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Thursday, 25 December 2008

It Only Happens At This Time of Year.

Yep. I'm probably going to use this picture every year, haha.
I hope it never gets old.

Like all seasons, I look forward to them all. After the summer and the fall, I deeply anticipated winter.
I just love being together, the lights, the snow, mittens and heavy jackets, hot chocolate, city lights, the trees, the music, and who can forget---THE FOOD!
It's just nice, since we're busy and stressed, that we forget our problems and enjoy what's in front of us for a while. And I've gotta tell you, it feels so great to spread love and joy. Though the stressful things are still in my mind, everything that the holiday brings and all things that are good just overpowers them.
It's like, I'm aware of everything, but Hell, I'm having such a good time.

So here I am, in bed, haha.

I just love sleeping with socks on and waking up with only one still on one foot.

My break just started so I'll be updating with new eventful things to write about. I can't wait. :)
I hope you all are having a good time and I wish you all
Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and Happy New Year.
Make everything count.

<3

Friday, 14 November 2008

Procrastination.

Impatient to move on,
but at the same time
overwhelmed by what each passing second brings.

Wednesday, 27 August 2008

Things To Notice When Your Teenage Life Starts to Spiral Downwards

My amiga, the lovely and silly Alice Lam

1-When you notice that summer is already out the door and down the block only a week before you spent your entire summer doing nothing.
2-And by justifying No.1, you, then start to think what did you really do this summer?
3-Your hormones are spiraling out of control
4-After making a deal with the devil, aka signing your summer away to swimming, you still suck at the sport
5-You have so many dreams, so many goals and you start to believe that, out of everything else you are that you are too oblivious to notice(except that you're asian), that you are passionate. However. the only thing getting in your way of success is that you are godfuckingdamn lazy(another trait you start to realize)
6-You're too oblivious that you nearly fall on your face when you collide with your fan that is not hard to dodge in the first place
7-You forgot what class notes look like
8-You actually look forward to school...but at the same time you're not
9-You eat the whole day entirely just because you're bored
10-You find yourself dressing up when you only have a date with potato chips, the tv, and the webcam.
11- Say you're tired for the entire day and actually feel yourself drift off to sleep when watching Sex and the City but then you're actually wired and completely wide awake by 1 AM
12- You find yourself listening to the same voice message even though it has been saved, you listen to it repeatedly just to hear his voice and laugh every time he compliments on your stupidity.
13- Find your friends online at the crack of dawn
14- And when you notice your life is spirally downward, your friends are doing the same exact thing, so it reminds yourself that you're not alone and you are...indeed...somewhat, normal.
-> This statement is proven by Nikki and Dane's conversation I've witnessed as a third party.
Nikki(to me):OH- have you heard about the Kim Kardashian sex tape?
Dane: Heard? I saw it.
-Disclaimer: Ok, I found that funny by choking on my jumbo sized peach iced tea...another sign.

Monday, 21 July 2008

The Last Thing On Your Mind.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rKoB_p-RlDs

My so-called Motivational Playlist
1. Sweet Sacrifice ~ Evanescence
2. Going Under ~ Evanescence
3. Lacrymosa ~ Evanescence // Requeim- Lacrimosa ~ Mozart
4. Pressure ~ Paramore
5. Dead! ~ My Chemical Romance
6. Wow, I Can Get Sexual Too! ~ Say Anything
7. Something To Believe In ~ FM Static
8. All These Things I've Done ~ The Killers
9. Navigate Me ~ Cute Is What We Aim For
10. A Boy Brushed Red...Living in Black and White ~ Underoath
11. Umbrella ~ McFly
13. American Idiot ~ Green Day
12. Why Worry ~ All American Rejects

So I arrive at that meet. Already late to warm-ups because we didn't know where the pool was, so I already started hyperventilating in the car. I take a nice view of the pool and it felt like someone was squeezing my lungs.
I changed into my suit the fastest I have ever changed in the history of my life and after a lap or two, my coach, Arpod tells me to climb up to tell me what I should warm up and I'm trying to breath evenly, trying to keep my cool and then he already sees through all that and asks, "Are you sick?"
My stomach did 5 flips and my heart rate started to increase from steady recovery to headingtotheemergencyroombecausethisladyisgoingtohaveababy fast.
After begging Robert, my head coach, to scratch off 200 breast, I sat down with my teammates and I'm trying to calm myself by popping out my CD player, which I always carry with me these days because I don't bother telling my parents to go buy me an Ipod and because I'm very sad that I have the guts go carrying around a freakin' CD player out in the streets of the public, listening to that mixed CD I made for myself late last night.
So I'm closing my eyes, putting my head down, and I'm just listening...concentrating on the lyrics...And then I realize...
These songs are not helping at all. Not even one little bit. FUCK.
I mean, come on. Going Under? Pressure? Dead? Why yes, that totally makes me feel better when I AM DYING OUT IN THE WATER AND START SUFFOCATING.
Why the hell do I do this to myself?
Late at the night, I was probably listening to these songs but was not exactly in the aspect of the term "motivational". I was probably going, "Oh hey, that song is fast and jumpy, this might help" and paying no mind to the words of each of the song which is exactly my tendency when I'm trying to concentrate on the songs. The only "motivational" song I put there was Why Worry, but I've listened to that song a millions times in the past trying to calm my nerves for other things that it's to the point that the words are barely audible in my ears. So I was fucked for the remaining of the meet.
You don't know how many hands violated my left breast so they could feel how fast my heart was beating. All reactions led to, "WHY ARE YOU NERVOUS?!" I swear, I thought it was going pop out or kill it if it went any faster.
Then I just joked around with my friends and my teammates that I forgot that I was nervous, aha. And then we were up, and I was almost late lining up. And then my heart started beating fast away.
The timekeeper almost got the medic because she thought I was going to faint because I was so nervous the words that came out of my mouth were, "How do I dive again?"
I mean, there were only 3 people out of 8 lanes and everybody had different times. Because it's me, and life has to fuck with me every moment possible, I had the slowest time, so already, I knew I was going to be last and I was closest to the audience...but I had to shut off everything that went through my head as soon I stepped on the board. Swimming it...that was all quite a blur. But it wasn't bad at all. It was quite refreshing in fact. But after swimming it, thinking IT'S OVER IT'S OVER, I did something stupid.
As soon as I hit the wall. I scrambled up, trying to get out, and I had no strength what so ever so my feet are dangling and my arms are holding on to the sides and it took a long time to get up. And the timekeeper and this girl who was about to swim next were looking at me funny, probably because I looked like a dying chicken but then I moved my feet around and sat down, my back behind the pool and just tried to act casual, like that didn't happen going, "yeah...well, uh Good luck."
Later, Kristi told me that they said to stay in the pool and I didn't listen so everybody was waiting for me as I scrambled up from the pool. She was all shaking her head in disgrace, "That's April."
WONDERFUL.

Friday, 18 July 2008

Try.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xj9x6kUJX98
"I remember this clearly, when I was a little girl, I had a dollhouse. Hours and hours I'd spend putting my dolls through whole lifetimes. Work. Kids. Play. All of that happened in that little house, I remember that perfectly. The rest...it's a little fuzzy. See, somehow, I left it outside for a couple of days. When I went back to play with it, wasps had built nests in my dollhouse. It looked like a twisted apple or something. Back then, it was scary, terrifying. But I remember thinking in a little girl way, they're just like my dolls. Wasps needed a place to sleep too. When my step-father came home, he burnt it all."

"They don't know what it is to try and try fucking hard just to live."

- I saw this at Audrey Kitching's page, and she's right, this video is well done but very intense.